Dog Related Quotes
Our Personal Favorites
Humorous Dog Quotes
Breed Specific Quotes
Canine Related Poetry
Miscellaneous Dog Quotes
"If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around."
~Will Rogers
"Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really."
~Agnes Sligh Turnbull
"The dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man."
~Robertson Davies
"Labradors [are] lousy watchdogs. They usually bark when there is a stranger about, but it is an expression of unmitigated joy at the chance to meet somebody new - not a warning."
~Norman Strung
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, “My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!”
~Dave Barry
"In dog training, jerk is a noun, not a verb."
~Dr. Dennis Fetko
"Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend."
~Corey Ford
"I can't think of anything that brings me closer to tears than when my old dog -- completely exhausted after a hard day in the field -- limps away from her nice spot in front of the fire and comes over to where I'm sitting and puts her head in my lap, a paw over my knee, and closes her eyes and goes back to sleep. I don't know what I've done to deserve that kind of friend."
~Gene Hill
"There's facts about dogs, and then there's opinions about them. The dogs have the facts, and the humans have the opinions. If you want the facts about the dog, always get them straight from the dog. If you want opinions, get them from humans."
~J. Allen Boone
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
~Robert A. Heinlein
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
~Unknown
"Life is good. Life with a dog is better!"
~Unknown
"My life has gone to the dogs.... and I'm loving every minute of it!"
~Unknown
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard."
~Dave Barry
"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog."
~Franklin P. Jones
"Dogs are like chips, you can't have just one!"
~Unknown
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."
~Rita Rudner
"A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you."
~Jay Leno
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: “Can I help, sir?” “No thanks,” says the blind bloke. “Just looking.”
~Tommy Cooper
"I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... “Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd."
~Steven Wright
"When its raining cats and dogs, be sure not to step in the poodles."
~Unknown
"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?"
~Unknown
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
~Joe Weinstein
"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
~Unknown
"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
~Unknown
"If you want the best seat in the house ... move the dog."
~Unknown
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
~Dave Barry
"The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time."
~Winston Pendelton
"A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by its own farts."
~Frank Skinner
"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl."
~Penny Ward Moser
"The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage."
~Danish Proverb
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
~Groucho Marx
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
~Fran Lebowitz
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul- chicken, pork, half cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
~Anne Tyler
"I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend"
~Barf, played by John Candy in Spaceballs
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."
~Norm from Cheers
"Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
~Lewis Grizzard
"I know that dogs are pack animals, but it's difficult to imagine a pack of standard poodles…and if there was such a thing as a pack of standard poodles, where would they rove to? Bloomingdale's?"
~Yvonne Clifford
"The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor."
~Margo Kaufman
"Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other."
~Robert Benchley
"Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs."
~Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat
"Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland."
~Josh Billings
"Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on."
~Colette
"The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go."
~Winston Churchill
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
~Rita Rudner
"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
~Smiley Blanton
But never yet the dog our country fed,
Betrayed the kindness or forgot the bread.
~Edward Lytton Bulwer
When all the world is young, lad,
And all the trees are green
And every goose a swan, lad,
And every lass a queen;
Then hey for boot and horse, lad,
And round the world away;
Young blood must have its course, lad,
And every dog his day.
~Charles Kingsley
Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
~Rudyard Kipling
…the poor dog, in life the firmest friend
The first to welcome, foremost to defend.
~George Noel Gordon, Lord Byron
I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.
~W. Dayton Wedgefarth
Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog;
But you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog.
~Douglas Mallock
Let sleeping dogs lie-
Who wants to rouse ‘em?
~Charles Dickens
Therefore to this dog will I,
Tenderly not scornfully,
Render praise and favor.
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
‘Tis sweet to hear the watch-dog’s honest bark
Bay deep-mouth’d welcome as we draw near home;
‘Tis sweet to know there is an eye will mark
Our coming, and look brighter when we come.
~George Noel Gordon, Lord Byron
His friends he loved. His direst earthly foes-
Cats- I believe he did but feign to hate.
My hand will miss the insinuated nose,
Mine eyes the tail that wagg’d contempt at fate.
~Sir William Watson
"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog."
~Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs."
~Martha Scott
"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."
~Robert Louis Stevenson
"It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks."
~Unknown (Gateway note: This is completely untrue.)
"The old saw about old dogs and new tricks only applies to certain people."
~Daniel Pinkwater in Train Your Dog, Dammit! (Gateway note: Daniel has got it right.)
"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
~John Peers
"Rambunctious, rumbustious, delinquent dogs become angelic when sitting."
~Dr. Ian Dunbar
"A dog is a dog except when he is facing you. Then he is Mr. Dog."
~Haitian Farmer
"I do honour the very flea of his dog."
~Ben Jonson
"While man has sometimes succeeded in dragging the dog down to his level, the dog has only occasionally succeeded in raising man to his level of sagacity."
~James Thurber
"I would rather see a portrait of a dog that I know, then all the allegorical paintings in the world."
~Samuel Johnson
"One of the animals which a generous and sociable man would soonest become is a dog. A dog can have a friend; he has affections and character; he can enjoy equally the field and the fireside; he dreams, he caresses, he propitiates; he offends, and is pardoned; he stands by you in adversity; he is a good fellow."
~Leigh Hunt
"The best thing about a man is his dog."
~French proverb
"If it be the chief point of friendship to comply with a friend’s notions and inclinations, he possesses this an eminent degree; he lies down when I sit, and walks when I walk, which is more than many good friends can pretend to do."
~Alexander Pope
"Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferocity, and all the Virtues of Man without his Vices. This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery, if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just tribute to the Memory of BOATSWAIN, a Dog."
~John Cam Hobhouse
"The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog."
~George Graham Vest
"The more I see of men, the better I like dogs."
~attributed to both Madame Roland and Mme. de Staël
"The gift which I am sending you is called a “dog”, and is in fact the most precious and valuable possession of mankind."
~Theodorus Gaza
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
~Mark Twain
"Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship."
~Ambrose Bierce
"He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer; he will lick the wounds and sores that come from encounters with the roughness of the world…When all other friends desert, he remains."
~George G. Vest
"I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes!"
~Dog
"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."
~Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912
"From the dog's point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog."
~Mabel Louise Robinson
"Dogs are miracles with paws."
~Attributed to Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy
"I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts appear to know about death. Being such wonderfully uncomplicated beings, they need us to do their worrying."
~George Bird Evans, Troubles with Bird Dogs
"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
~Holbrook Jackson
"The dog is the only animal that has seen his god."
~Author Unknown
"My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet."
~Edith Wharton
"We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults. Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment."
~George Eliot
"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive."
~Gilda Radner
"Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage."
~Agnes Repplier
"One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why."
~Author Unknown
"When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!"
~David Starr Jordan
"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them."
~Phil Pastoret
"With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog."
~Edward Jesse, Anecdote of Dogs
"Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails."
~Max Eastman, Enjoyment of Laughter
"My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am."
~Author Unknown
"If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one."
~Andy Rooney
"A dog is not “almost human” and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such."
~John Holmes
"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window."
~Steve Bluestone
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
~Aldous Huxley
"They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation."
~Jerome K. Jerome
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives."
~Sue Murphy
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
~Roger Caras
"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's."
~Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899
"If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people." ~Karel Čapek
"The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's."
~Polish Proverb
"Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made."
~Roger Caras
"In the world which we know, among the different and primitive geniuses that preside over the evolution of the several species, there exists not one, excepting that of the dog, that ever gave a thought to the presence of man."
~Maurice Maeterlinck
"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater... suggest that he wear a tail."
~Fran Lebowitz
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."
~Ogden Nash
"One reason a dog is such a lovable creature is his tail wags instead of his tongue."
~Author Unknown
"The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread."
~Portuguese Proverb
"You ask of my companions. Hills, sir, and the sundown, and a dog as large as myself that my father bought me. They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell."
~Emily Dickinson
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."
~Woodrow Wilson
"Dogs, the foremost snobs in creation, are quick to notice the difference between a well-clad and a disreputable stranger."
~Albert Payson Terhune
"I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons."
~Will Rogers
"When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten."
~Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
"When a dog wants to hang out the “Do Not Disturb” sign, as all of us do now and then, he is regarded as a traitor to his species."
~Ramona C. Albert
"Both humans and dogs love to play well into adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience."
~Jon Winokur
"I like a bit of mongrel myself, whether it's a man or a dog; they're the best for everyday."
~George Bernard Shaw
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
~Jeff Valdez
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."
~Mary Bly
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
~Unknown
"Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man."
~Andre Segovia
"We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us."
~Maurice Maeterlinck
"If your dog is too fat, you are not getting enough exercise."
~Unknown
"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."
~Robert Benchley
"Every dog isn't a growler, and every growler isn't a dog."
~Anonymous
"If your dog thinks you're the greatest person in the world, don't seek a second opinion."
~Jim Fiebig
"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
~Unknown
"Blessed is the person who has earned the love of an old dog."
~Sydney Jeanne Seward
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about little puppies."
~Gene Hill
"In dog years, I'm dead!"
~Unknown
"No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich."
~Louis Sabin
"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
~Franklin P. Jones
"A man's soul can be judged by the way he treats his dog."
~Charles Doran
"Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring -- it was peace."
~Milan Kundera
"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."
~Unknown
"Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative."
~Mordecai Siegal
"The fidelity of a dog is a precious gift demanding no less binding moral responsibilities than the friendship of a human being. The bond with a dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth can ever be."
~Konrad Lorenz
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
~James Thurber
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."
~Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
~Ann Landers
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
~Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
~Bern Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
~Edward Abbey
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail..."
~Unknown
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
~Christopher Morley
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself."
~Josh Billings
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
~Andy Rooney
"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."
~Mark Twain
"We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals... In a world older and more complete than ours they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth."
~Harry Beston
"I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it."
~Abraham Lincoln
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
~Unknown
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
~John Steinbeck
"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made."
~M. Acklam
"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate."
~Sigmund Freud
"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi-human; The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog."
~Edward Hoagland
"[Dog] training is a lot like landing an airplane. The end result depends on the approach!"
~Unknown
"...it's a rare animal that disagrees with himself."
~Sarah Filipiak
Did we leave one out? Drop us a line and we'll add it!
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